Fearful

2nd post of several recalling life impacting experiences in my travels as a follower of Jesus:

I woke up early in the morning, worried.  Jet lag was one factor, but the worry was from the instructions I had been given a day or two before. 

I was teaching a group of students in a place where foreign Christian teachers are looked on as an intrusion by the government authorities.  The government perspective is that there is enough local talented teachers to train new leaders and that should occur only in specially approved places authorized by the government.  So there was the possibility that the police, since the training had not received government approval, could investigate the class location.  And if so, my presence as a foreigner would get the locals in trouble. 

So to protect both them and me they said, “If the police come to the door please climb out this 4^th floor window onto the ledge and drop onto the balcony a floor below.  We will keep the door closed and just let them in after you are gone.”

It looked far to me.  I do not like heights.  I do not feel very coordinated and I startle easily.  I wondered if I would slip on the ledge, especially since it was rainy.  I have been told to avoid jarring due to potential bleeding from blood thinner I take.  OK, TMI, but you need to get the picture.  And at 4:00am these instructions dominated my mind.  The unknown and uncontrollable in my mind carried a virus of worry and fear.

I could not simply wish the distance smaller.  Rational thought was difficult.  It was hard to get a bearing.

So I prayed.  For the ways of God to prevail where I was. For the people and places among which I minister in the USA.  And somewhere as I focused beyond myself a little phrase dropped into my spirit: “I will not let your foot slip.”  It was the promise I needed.  It calmed my fear and let me know my Heavenly Father’s reassurance.  He was present and not idle. 

I would have preferred a promise: “There will be no need to jump out the window.” But I suppose God wanted me to know he valued daily, even moment-by-moment involvement with me.  He did not just want to have me live in his favor and empowerment as I taught and ministered into the lives of these missionary students.  But in these days of ministry to also grow my own trust in God who stays involved through uncertain moments.  If I needed to jump, I would not jump alone.